Confusion ruled all through

If you are born in family numero uno in a small town, your life follows a set pattern. People start looking up to you expectantly irrespective of fact whether you have that caliber to carry on the family tradition or not.
I became bondage of that situation. By the time I could understand myself, I was forced to live a life which actually was not intended. I jumped from one school to another during till i reached college. I was spotted then and there, always, as a family member of a celebrity. This only added to my woes.
I am talking about early 60s. During that period, situations were different, values were treated as most important thing in life. Teachers were treated at par with the God. It is not that I am planning to defame the teachers. I had some teachers who looked like God to me. But, also, I met few teachers who were blot on the face of that community.
I was sexually abused by one such teacher who was a frequent visitor to our home and my grandfather gave him that job, when I was in class four. How old was I .......only 9 or 10!!!! that was the time, remember, when teachers were worshiped as God walking on the roads. More over, even in my family, there were many teachers. Hence, nobody could have believed me. I was ashamed as I was afraid because even in that age I could realise that whatever has happened to was something shameful. I could not dare tell it anyone in my family.
I, for the first time, told about my traumatic childhood to my eldest sister who is more like my mother, when I was 53. I spent my life bearing this pain.
It was not a stray incident in my life nor I was the only victim of our teachers' lust. One of such teachers was, even, became MLC as he was a bigwig in Teacher's Union. Perhaps, everybody in our school knew about the teacher. But none had courage to speak openly against him.
I know, it still continues. I know students, still, are afraid to come out and complaint against such teachers. Unfortunately, students do not have access to counselors in schools even today.
I wish, childhood is spared of such trauma which I passed through.

I am what I am

Hi, I am Amrita. Please don't confuse it with Amritaa, it is male version, to be more phonetically correct.....it is Amrito. I am a Bong. I am born in family of social workers and educationist but myself never entered in to a college. I was pushed into social service sector when I was only 19 to keep the family tradition alive. Those were the days when people involved in this sector never dared to make it as their profession or earn money through it.
I enjoyed my life with my Deaf kids for whom I was working. But days and thoughts of the people changed. Today to run an NGO is one of the most profitable businesses. And I became misfit and outdated as the schools which taught us the values are obsolete.
Yes, I agree, the values changes. But I never knew the basic values could be compromised. I feel hurt; in pain when I look at my own biological children suffer due to lack of money. They are growing up in a world where money matters most. Perhaps, they feel ashamed as they could not flash currency notes of bigger denominations. Perhaps, at that point of time they feel ashamed of their father! I do not know....maybe I am wrong! May be I am right!
Anyway, I belong to a small but internationally known city of Varanasi. Currently, I am trying to compromise with my moral values and trying hard to earn money through social service. But believe me, till now I am miserably failure doing so.
I have changed my focus since. Now I am trying my luck in documenting the cultural heritage of Varanasi, simultaneously, spending time as much as I can with growing children to share my experiences of life. Probably, this is how I am preparing myself for Sanyaas.